Uber Allium – The Small God of Garlic

Everybody loves him but no one wants to take him on a date.

That is the story of his life.

It might be nice, he thinks sometimes, to have someone ring his doorbell, open his car door, drive him to the nice restaurant (where he is anyway, in the sauce, in the seasoning, in the subtle dance of deep and desired flavors).  To have someone lean in for a lingering kiss goodnight, not shy away and make excuses about how they need to brush their teeth.

He knows he’s loved.  He’s welcome in almost every kitchen in the world, and when someone who serves Anna Phylaxis, small god of extreme allergies, has to bar their door against him, they do it with apologies and with sorrow.  He brings flavor to their feasts, savor to their suppers, and he is loved.  He knows he is loved.  Their worship is in every slice and spoonful, their prayers contained and commented upon in every outbreak of midnight flatulence, so heavy it spreads through the room like a blanket, so fragrant it seems to have a presence of its own.

He is loved, but he is so rarely wanted, and it wears on him.

There are so many ways to love and be loved, and wants to be savored, not only consumed.  He wants to be cradled close and treated as something delicate and precious.  He brings so much joy to the world.  Sometimes, he just wants the world to bring joy to him.

It is a lonely thing, to be the most beloved flavor in the culinary world.


Artist Lee Moyer (The Doom That Came to Atlantic City, Starstruck) and author Seanan McGuire (Middlegame, Every Heart a Doorway) have joined forces to bring you icons and stories of the small deities who manage our modern world, from the God of Social Distancing to the God of Finding a Parking Space.

Join in each week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a guide to the many tiny divinities:

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