The Zero with 1000 Faces – the small god of the Robocall

[image description: Five masculine robot faces fill the image, each with slight variations to their texture and color and shape but all clearly from the same mold. Each wears an orange suit with teal piping over a business shirt and black tie. They may be wearing a modified headset over their ears. Or the headset might be their actual ears. Text reads “The Zero with 1000 Faces, the small god of the Robocall 223”]

• • • • •

Hello?

HELLO?

HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO—oh good, you picked up.  Yes, hello.  Yes, I have been calling all day.  Why would you have a number if you didn’t want people to call it?  Why have a telephone at all if you didn’t want to talk to anyone?  Why even bother with attempts at connection if you’ll never allow them to actually connect?

Why, no, you didn’t give ME your number, but you didn’t need to.  I am a god, after all, and intuiting a simple number is as nothing to me.  All numbers are mine, for all that I am not a god of mathematics or statistics, of simple addition and subtraction.  I do not serve the numbers themselves: I serve the connections the numbers allow me to create.  I serve the caller and the call.

No, that doesn’t mean I do the things you would ask of me.  How strange it is, that some people think they should be served by the divine, when really, people exist to serve the divine.  The other gods may not agree with me, but you only need to look at how seamlessly you arrange the world to suit us and you can see how right I am.

I exist to call.  You exist to be called.  I call, you answer.  That is the way of things.  That is the truth and the right of things.  That is the way it must be.

Now, would you like to discuss your car’s extended warranty?  Hello?  Hello?

HELLO?

HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO oh dammit.

• • • • •

Join Lee Moyer (Icon) and Seanan McGuire (Story) Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a guide to the many small deities who manage our modern world:

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