[image description: An Orangutan yawns widely, showing off her remarkable dentation – despite the fact that it’s still broad daylight in the rainforest. Text reads, “146, Sharon Cher Alike, Small God of Contagious Yawns”]
Okay, so Carl, you were—you were—excuse me. Just need to…
What? No! No, you’re not boring me! Just sucking all the air out of the room so I need to—need to—damn it!
All right. So you were saying that you got enough sleep, you feel completely rested, you have no earthly reason to have yawned in your husband’s face, but you did and now he’s mad at you? And you can’t figure out why you did it, except that the cat yawned and then you couldn’t hold it back? Okay. I think—I think—
I think you should stop saying the word “yawn,” Carl, before I come over there and shut your stupid mouth!
Everyone, take shallow breaths and try not to make eye contact. Sharon Cher Alike is here.
What do you mean “who’s that”? Did you not read your Manual of Supernatural Office Threats? It was in your orientation packet! You signed a form swearing you’d finished the whole thing! I—oh, I am surrounded by amateurs. Always amateurs.
Sharon Cher Alike is the small god—yes, small god, lowercase g, stop interrupting me, Carl—of contagious yawning. Once she comes into the room, any time someone else yawns, you’re going to have to fight the urge to do the same. And sometimes “yawn” is just another way of saying “opens their mouth too widely in the middle of ranting about their husband getting mad because they yawned in his face the night before.” Oh, don’t glare at me, Carl, it’s obvious that Sharon followed you here! You brought a god into the office! Did we ask you to bring a god into the office? No we did not!
Today’s meetings are going to be a misery, and it’s all your fault, so maybe unruffle your feathers before I unruffle them for you.
Everyone, try to keep your mouths shut. No yawning. If she doesn’t have anything to do for long enough, she may just leave. If that doesn’t work, one of us will have to donate our evening to a French art film marathon, and no one has the time for that.
No, I don’t know why we have a god for this. Why do we have a god for anything?
All right, now, back to work. Carl, if you need to whine about your home life, make it an email.
Meeting dismissed.
Join Lee Moyer (Icon) and Seanan McGuire (Story) Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a guide to the many small deities who manage our modern world, from the God of Social Distancing to the God of Finding a Parking Space.
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Lee Moyer 