Anne O’Tate – small god of the Footnotes

[image description: A very old (and somewhat ragged) book cover features a woman in medieval attire with a quill pen in its lower right corner. She leans back – as though exhausted – on a blue and gold checkered tablecloth where an open ink bottle rests. Her pen is dripping past the words ‘psst! do look about the WHOLE page, won’t you please’. The book is surrounded and held tight by a rubber band under which, a piece of worn paper reads, “170, Anne O’Tate – small god of the Footnotes”]

(* As we begin, Anne would like you to note that there is no footnote in her official portrait; she simply entreats all who enter her august presence to look at their surroundings with care, lest smaller aspects of the situation be missed.  Do not trouble yourself in seeking something which is not there.)

Anne arose when the first storyteller realized that something had been omitted from their recitation.  Something small but vital, while not vital enough to justify hauling the entire tale back to an earlier point in its telling.  Something that could be popped in as a verbal aside, or later, when the tale was written down*, as a footnote.

(*Footnotes are so named because they historically appear at the bottom of the page, where they can all too easily be overlooked, rather than being included inline with the text, as they are here.  You are permitted to deviate from the norm, when you speak of gods.)

Some consider her a pedantic god, devoted to a precision that is unrealistic when language meets the living, more concerned with the proper placement of punctuation than with the flow of narrative.  Those people couldn’t be more wrong.  She wants things to be understood, yes, she wants citations and credit where credit is due, but she removes herself and her additions to the text from the main flow of the tale so as not to disrupt.  Were she pedantic, she would insist that what she has to say is all that matters.  Anne has never done such a thing.

The footnote is a treasure, a crumb of context and additional information beyond price*.  If her work is viewed by some as unimportant in these modern times, Anne will only smile and note that every hyperlink falls within her domain; she is archaic and modern at the same time, and she will endure long after many other gods of literary device are gone, faded into memory and prayer.

(* Although some editors will happily tell you the price of every single footnote, what it costs to place and typeset, why they are better left avoided.)

_________________________

Join Lee Moyer (Icon) and Seanan McGuire (Story) Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a guide to the many small deities who manage our modern world:

Tumblr: https://smallgodseries.tumblr.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/smallgodseries

Instagram: https://instagram.com/smallgodseries/

Homepage: http://smallgodseries.com

Strunk – small god of the White Elephant Gift Exchange

[image description: An old card, from a peculiar deck. It shows two views of a white elephant and where one might expect a K, Q, or J, there is only a ‘?’ One side is a heart. The other a spade. One elephant is in a red smoking jacket and holds an ornamented golden jar. The other is dressed in deep blue and holds a sword. Both also hold rings. Text reads, “169, Strunk – small god of the White Elephant Gift Exchange”]

Nobody really likes Strunk, which is a pity, because he’s a very sweet god.  He’s very earnest, and he means well; he wants everyone to walk away happy, and not be saddled with a gift they didn’t want but have to perform enthusiasm for anyway, because someone who really cares is watching.

People don’t give gifts they really care about at White Elephant parties.  Strunk is just glad that’s the name most people know his worship by these days: they used to call him “Dirty Santa,” and he likes the trunk better than the coal-stained gloves and the cigar.  Gods so rarely get the opportunity to choose their final forms.

When all his worshippers play fairly and without cruelty, Strunk’s masses can be glorious occasions, filled with laughter and with joy.  But all too often, the people who come to his celebrations see them as an opportunity to be casually cruel, to give gifts meant to embarrass and demean, and those people spoil things for everyone.  He is the god of taking candy from babies on those days, when there is one good gift and a dozen or more terrible ones, passed around like hot potatoes, unwanted and indestructible.

He wishes people were kinder.  He is a kind god, and he would that everyone were happy.  Given the choice, he would provide good gifts for all.

But alas, it isn’t really up to him.

Be kind to Strunk this year: if you are called to one of his ceremonies, go in good faith or go not at all.  Bring something you would not be angry or ashamed to receive, and if the worst of things ends the day in your hands, take it with good grace.  The dumpster is always waiting, and Strunk doesn’t judge.

He just wants you to be happy.  Be happy for him.

_________________________

Join Lee Moyer (Icon) and Seanan McGuire (Story) Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a guide to the many small deities who manage our modern world:

Tumblr: https://smallgodseries.tumblr.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/smallgodseries

Instagram: https://instagram.com/smallgodseries/

Homepage: http://smallgodseries.com

krampus – small god of secret santas

[image description: A thin red figure with irregular horns, a long tail, long pointy ears and pointy black fingernails sticks out his long curled tongue. He wears a long red cloak lined in a mangy fur that might once have been white. He holds a switch in both hands. Behind him the curve of the earth and a vague aurora. Text reads, “168, krampus – small god of secret santas”]

“Are you doing Secret Santa this year?”

“Yeah, but I got Chloe, and you know she never likes what anyone gets her, and she always comes in under the dollar amount by as much as she can get away with.  That wouldn’t be so bad, except she brags about it.  You were supposed to be getting me a Christmas present!  Why is it appropriate to tell me that you saved seventeen dollars out of a twenty dollar budget?  It’s like, come on, Chloe, read the room.”

“At least you don’t have to put too much effort into whatever you get for her.”

“True.  It’s just going to wind up at next week’s White Elephant party no matter what.  Ooo, maybe I should get some of that bodywash I like!”

“Isn’t she allergic to that?”

“Show me where I care.”

Santa—true Santa, Santa prime, Santa in the sky with reindeer—is not a small god.  Santa will insist that he isn’t a god at all, but he carries the hopes and prayers of children, monuments are built in his honor, and priests garb themselves in replicas of his raiment to grant absolution.  He is a god, like it or not, and he is not a small one.  He stands outside the purview of our chronicles.

Krampus, while he once had a shot at the big sleigh, lost that bid thanks to a less than marketable image and a fondness for stuffing naughty children into his sack, and has since settled in to a slightly narrower sphere of holiday cheer.  And while he still does all the traditional Krampus things—lots of respect for tradition at the North Pole—his main sphere of influence is a little more adult in nature.

When you think “I could pocket half the budget” or “I don’t like Becky from HR enough to get her anything good,” Krampus is there.  Putting you on the naughty list, remembering your name.  When you think “peanuts are delicious, who cares if she’s allergic, maybe she’ll give them to me,” Krampus judges you even if no one else can.

Judges, but doesn’t stop.  Because there are many ways to punish the naughty, and they don’t all end with childhood.  He can’t truly live as he desires unless you sometimes misbehave.

Disappoint Krampus.  Be a good Secret Santa this year.

His sack is waiting.


Join Lee Moyer (Icon) and Seanan McGuire (Story) Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a guide to the many small deities who manage our modern world:

Tumblr: https://smallgodseries.tumblr.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/smallgodseries

Instagram: https://instagram.com/smallgodseries/

Homepage: http://smallgodseries.com

Yul Byrner ~ the small god of harvest sacrifice

[image description: A flame-maned black goat with huge curved horns and glowing golden eyes rears up against a fiery apocalyptic background.  Text reads, “167, Yul Byrner ~ the small god of harvest sacrifice”]

They weave his earthly incarnations out of sticks and straw, erecting them as monuments to the harvest, as bulwarks against the closing cold.  They build him because they can, because they are compelled to do so, because they remember, on some deep and binding level, that it’s the sticks and straw and tinder or it’s beans in the bread and blood on the snow.

Sometimes it is both.  We still require our temporary kings if we want the sun to remember how to rise.  Some rituals are old even before they begin; some patterns must repeat, over and over, until time itself unwinds into dust and shadow.

So they weave him, year on year, and they stand him in the city square, and they set guards against the inevitable.  Look at him, they argue, look at his greatness, look at his glory.  Look at the way he stands, golden against the winter sky.  Surely we owe him our protection.  Surely he should be preserved.  Surely that will keep us from the cold.

They forget to consult with the divine.  They forget to ask the god they tend with such devotion what he wants.

The god wants to burn.

Spring is not only the turning of the year; it is the restoration of hope, the dawning of a new chance to be better than we have been, and hope is bought with sacrifice.  With blood on the snow, or fire in the straw.  He wants better for us, he wants us to burn brightly, and so he yearns for the flame.  When released from his temporary embodiments, he carries the darkness and debris of the dying year out of the world with him, and leaves us renewed, restored, ready to be more than we have been.

Weave him well, thank him for his service, and allow him to burn.

That is how we worship.  That is how we serve.

That is how we bring back the sun.


Join Lee Moyer (Icon) and Seanan McGuire (Story) Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a guide to the many small deities who manage our modern world:

Tumblr: https://smallgodseries.tumblr.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/smallgodseries

Instagram: https://instagram.com/smallgodseries/

Homepage: http://smallgodseries.com

Rhett Khan ~ THE SMALL GOD OF >RETRO<ACTIVE VOICE

[image description: A comic book panel has been covered by a white-bordered sticker showing the bust of a Ghenghis Khan wearing a nice black suit and saying ‘Frankly dear, I’ve ALWAYS given a dang’. Below him the printed word ‘THE’ has been covered with a piece of tape saying ‘RETRO’. Text now reads, “166, Rhett Khan ~ THE SMALL GOD OF >RETRO<ACTIVE VOICE”]

He drips with artificial charm and the idealized images of the past, dashing gentlemen and swooning ladies, towering manors and shambling monsters, phallic rockets pointed toward the sky.  His paradise is a place where women exist only as rewards for men to win in glorious battle, where the “default” is a straight, white, able bodied, cisgender, vaguely but not excessively Christian man, and he’s happy there.

He doesn’t really understand why the rest of us aren’t.

Rhett is an artifact of a time gone by, and the only reason the rest of the pantheon doesn’t judge him even more harshly than we do is that he was not created to change.  Nostalgia is his nature; anything else would unmake him.  And even nostalgia can evolve.  The “good old days” he dreams in now are science fiction to the scribes working in Victorian times, or when Beowulf was the hot new thing.  One day, perhaps, he will catch up to the world we have now.

By then, we should have something so unbelievably much better that it dazzles the mind to even consider.

Now if you’ll excuse me, even being in a room with him makes me feel filthy.  I’ll be in the shower if you need me.

_______________________________

Join Lee Moyer (Icon) and Seanan McGuire (Story) Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a guide to the many small deities who manage our modern world:

Tumblr: https://smallgodseries.tumblr.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/smallgodseries

Instagram: https://instagram.com/smallgodseries/

Homepage: http://smallgodseries.com

Kid Ricochet IS THE SMALL – WILDLY EXUBERANT – GOD OF THE HYPERACTIVE VOICE!!!

[image description: A bouncing baby sheep jounces forward – its mouth open and its enthusiasm inescapable. Text reads, “165, Kid Ricochet IS THE SMALL – WILDLY EXUBERANT – GOD OF THE HYPERACTIVE VOICE!!!”]

Hi!

It’s nice to meet you, unless we’ve met before, in which case, it’s nice to see you again!  I don’t always have the best remembery for things like that!  Or things like spelling, because spelling doesn’t matter as much as exclamation points!  As long as you can tell basically what I’m trying to say, it’s okay if you can’t spell!  Old Willy couldn’t spell, and so they let him just make up words whenever he wanted!  Ha!  Ha!   BOOM!

…I mean, there’s also some historical indicators that Willy just did a real good job of listening to the teenage girls who hung out near the theater, since nobody makes up words like a teenage girl, but that probably doesn’t matter, because we remember him and we don’t remember them, and erasure is a literary device that doesn’t need a god, because it’s omnipresent.  Erasure would be a BIG god, a HUGE god, like the god of having air to breathe and rocks to bounce off!  So if he stole the words he’s supposed to have made, I guess it’s okay, because he did it in the name of a god bigger than me, and he was very enthusiastic!

(Hello.  This is Anne O’Tate, the small god of footnotes, chiming in to ask you to please forgive Kid.  He’s very young, for all that he’s very old indeed; he’s never going to be anything but very young, and he doesn’t always understand that certain things are wrong, no matter how famous the people who do them are.  We’re trying.  His wooly little head just doesn’t have the room for much that isn’t wolves and exclamation points.)

But hi!

I’m here to help you write more better!  Because when you write with ME, you write excitement!  You write adventure!  You write ray guns and detectives and big monsters and it’s all fun and it’s all good and it’s all AWESOME!  Because I’M awesome, and I have lots of exclamation points!  Have a few more!!  They don’t go bad!!!

It’s nice to meet you and I have to go because someone else always needs me, but I hope you’ll write big, exciting things!!  We need big exciting things!!

BYYYEEEEE!!!

(I have to go with him.  He doesn’t do well, unsupervised.  Sorry again.  He tries.)


Join Lee Moyer (Icon) and Seanan McGuire (Story) Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a guide to the many small deities who manage our modern world:

Tumblr: https://smallgodseries.tumblr.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/smallgodseries

Instagram: https://instagram.com/smallgodseries/

Homepage: http://smallgodseries.com

AUNT GLADOS is just >totally fine< being the small god of the PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE VOICE

[image description: A sour-looking woman with a cybernetic left eye whose HAL-like lens glows with the same Replicant gold as her right eye. The long gray stripes of her hair are arranged in a Crullea-esque up ‘do. Text reads, “164, AUNT GLADOS is just >totally fine< being the small god of the PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE VOICE”]

*looks directly into the camera for a long and silent minute before beginning to do her job*

You know, if you’re tired of your current archivist, you could express your satisfaction more directly than by lumping all the gods of unpleasant literary technique together and expecting me to document them in a linear fashion.  If you had wanted, you could have done that.  It didn’t have to go down this way.  Just in case you were wondering.  There were other ways of doing this.  But it’s FINE.  It’s FINE.  I can see that if I still have a job tomorrow, I’m TOTALLY FINE with spending another two sessions sitting with gods of literary device and feeling like I cannot be trusted with a typewriter!

It’s FINE.

Aunt Glados is simultaneously one of the oldest and one of the youngest small gods of literary device, although “youngest” is doing a lot of heavy lifting there, as she has existed for literal centuries, as unchanged as human nature, as unforgiving as your mother on the day she realizes you no longer depend on her to make your decisions, as perpetual as pain.  She is centuries old, if not millennia, and it’s fine if you want to forget about her until you need her, it’s JUST FINE, there are always more exciting literary devices, aren’t there?  Ways of saying things that seem more urgent and enriching, ideas that need to be expressed?

She doesn’t mind.  She’ll be sitting here when you get back.  Alone.  In the dark.  But maybe you shouldn’t wear that if you want them to take you seriously.  Them who?  Doesn’t matter.  Any them you care to target.  They won’t like those pants.  You’re throwing your potential away.  But who am I to tell you that?  who—

Oh, this is not a god I enjoy spending time with.

Her adherents can be very pleasant people, but they are not, on the whole, good for anyone’s mental health but their own.  She cares more for her own comfort than for yours, or theirs, or mine.

And that is Aunt Glados, and I am going to go take a shower.


Join Lee Moyer (Icon) and Seanan McGuire (Story) Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a guide to the many small deities who manage our modern world, from the God of Social Distancing to the God of Finding a Parking Space.

Tumblr: https://smallgodseries.tumblr.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/smallgodseries

Instagram: https://instagram.com/smallgodseries/

Homepage: http://smallgodseries.com

The Small God of the Passive Voice may (or may not) have been ‘Cathode’ Ray Tuber

[image description: A pale many-eyed potato sits revealed by the TV light. Ray sits in a sagging green easy chair in and holds a TV remote in his left hand and a pink box of ‘DONOTS’ in his right. Text reads, “163, The Small God of the Passive Voice may (or may not) have been ‘Cathode’ Ray Tuber.”]

Divinity was granted, not through action or merit, but through the slow attrition of clauses, excuses, and unclear decedents.  Answers, when sought, were not provided.  Your archivist, when tasked to write this entire entry in the passive voice, froze up so hard that she wrote nothing at all for a full week, leaving several divinities unrevealed, and is now going into full revolt.

Cathode is a terrible god and we shouldn’t have him and I’m sorry if that’s judgmental, but while we have evil and rotten and outright cruel gods, this is the first one that’s been entirely pointless.

Oh, there are scholars of linguistic form who will tell you that the passive voice has its uses, and they’re not entirely wrong: some genres thrive on the passive voice.  Tension grows in the shadow of the passive voice.  Of course, so do toadstools.  The gun fired.  Why?  Did Billy fire the gun?  Did Susan?  Did gravity?  A shooting needs a shooter.  Guns absolutely do kill people, but they don’t do it on their own, no matter what the passive voice would have you think.

No matter what Cathode would have you think.

He rose from the mulch of abandoned ideas and unused sentences, a tumorous tuber sprouting through the heavens and giving form to our darkest literary inclinations.  We must all dally with him from time to time, a secret scriptural shame, but outside of academic writing, any who spend too much time in his embrace will find themselves mashed and maladjusted.

Oddly, this most turgid of habits finds its best uses in the academic fields, where sometimes the subject truly is the less essential piece of the puzzle.  And we wish him well.  Over there.  Far away from us.

_______________________________________

Join Lee Moyer (Icon) and Seanan McGuire (Story) Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a guide to the many small deities who manage our modern world:

Tumblr: https://smallgodseries.tumblr.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/smallgodseries

Instagram: https://instagram.com/smallgodseries/

Homepage: http://smallgodseries.com

Kore ~ the small god of Seasons’ End

[image description: A small dark-haired girl with white butterfly wings and a crown of petals and/or feathers stands in a green tunic against an autumnal ground of gold and red leaves, one cupped hand is outstretched as if to catch one of the huge snowflakes which have begun to fall. Does her expression might suggest ambivalence? Resignation? Wisdom? Text reads, “161, Kore ~ the small god of Seasons’ End”]

In her time, she has been a cruel god and a kind god, a beloved god and a feared god.  She is the god of beans in the bread and blood on the snow, of girls in glass coffins and children abandoned in the midnight wood.  She is also the god of kindness and joy, of warm blankets and warm fires and warm cups held between trembling palms.

Every season ends.  Hers is winter.  She stands and she sings, in her crown of candles and tinsel, and she reminds us that the sun will come again.  She is a bright star in a darkened sky, a memory of warmth, and she never ages, and she never dies, and she will never be forgotten, or forgiven, for what she means to us.

She doesn’t remember when they decided that winter should be the ending of the year.  It makes sense, as humans measure things—we’re born young and bright and innocent, we ripen, we age, and then we die, at the end of our lives.  Winter, the dying of the green world of summer, must thus be the ending of the year.  It makes sense.

But she thinks of herself more as a renewal than an ending.  Every year, she is born when the first frost falls, and she walks with us until the clock chimes midnight at an arbitrary line drawn by arbitrary hands across the calendar, and she fades into silence until the time comes again.  She holds no specific holiday.  She holds all the holidays.  She is deeply annoyed by the ongoing attempts to elevate one winter celebration above the others, by the forays into the territories of other gods, other dominions.  Tinsel and golden balls should belong to her, not crop up in the temples of Amaizing Grace or Goldie Afternoon.  Her power is in her liminality, in the fact that she comes and she goes, reliable as the seasons, dependable as the spring.

One day, she will be invoked when the year is new, and she will hate that day, and she will become a cruel god once again, for a moment is only precious when it is brief.  She represents the temporary and the changeable, and she has moved beyond blood on snow, but she can always go back.

She is sweet and she is kind, and she is still a god for all of that, and we should not try her patience so.


Join Lee Moyer (Icon) and Seanan McGuire (Story) Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a guide to the many small deities who manage our modern world, from the God of Social Distancing to the God of Finding a Parking Space.

Tumblr: https://smallgodseries.tumblr.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/smallgodseries

Instagram: https://instagram.com/smallgodseries/

Homepage: http://smallgodseries.com

adora – the small dog of imaginary friends

[image description: A very happy tail-wagging white cartoon hound, whose collar is loose thick and red, and whose single gold dog tag features a crystalline red heart. Text reads, “159 adora – the small dog of imaginary friends”]

Hi!

Hello!

Bonjour!

I know I just met you, but hello!  May I lick your face?  Ha, I almost asked if I could like your face, and I do, I do like your face, I like your face so much, I love your face, and now I want to lick it.  So may I lick your face?  Please?

Oh, I’m sorry, was that rude?  My name’s Adora, and I adore you.  I’m the small dog of imaginary friends, and it’s my job to adore you.  Not you in specific, but most people.  Not everyone!  It’s not special if it’s everyone, and I get to have free will just like everybody else.  Making me love people who are awful to me wouldn’t be very free will-y.  But I love all my friends, mortal or divine, real or imaginary, and I love them all just the same, and I like your face so much, and I want to lick your face so much, and if you’ll let me, I’ll be your friend forever, and if you won’t let me, I’ll be your friend forever anyway, because friends don’t give up on friends.  That isn’t how this is supposed to work.

I love you.

My first friend and my first love were a small god of loneliness who isn’t around anymore.  They made me, and we were together always, and they stopped being so very lonely, and then one day they just faded into nothing, because they had given away their portfolio when they forgot how to be utterly alone.  And they cried when they left me, because they said leaving me meant that they were a god of loneliness after all, but I’m not sorry, and I’m not lonely.

I have you.  I have you, and I have all my other friends, forever and ever and always and I even have A Void, who’s the small cat of being misunderstood, and she’s my very best friend of all, even when she hisses and shows me her claws.  That’s just how small cats say they love you.  I know that, because I love her, and she loves me, and we’re happy.

I’m happy.

Now you can be happy to, if you’ll just believe in me.  I’m imaginary, but I’m here for you, so you won’t ever, never have to be alone.

Not ever.

So hello, new friend, hello, hello, I love you.  Hello.


Join Lee Moyer (Icon) and Seanan McGuire (Story) Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a guide to the many small deities who manage our modern world, from the God of Social Distancing to the God of Finding a Parking Space.

Tumblr: https://smallgodseries.tumblr.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/smallgodseries

Instagram: https://instagram.com/smallgodseries/

Homepage: http://smallgodseries.com